I remember my pregnancies with them like that it was yesterday. All 3 were so incredibly different. With Teen, I was sick. Very, very sick all of the time for the first 7 months of my pregancy. I had Hyperemesis Gravidarum that required me to go for IV treatments every couple of days for MONTHS. I was hospitalized a couple times for it and felt very alone and scared. Admittedly, in the 8th month, the sickness mostly let up . . . nothing that diclectin couldn't control. The day I gave birth, it stopped. Her labour and delivery were horrific, and the first 12 hours after her birth were devastating and scary for me, but she managed to come through (as did I - complete with a blood transfusion or 2) and life went on. With Imp, I had typical morning (all day) sickness and I bled. A lot. For months. I remember thinking on many occassions that I was losing this baby and the dr telling me that if I was miscarrying, there wasn't much they could do about it. That sometimes nature plays cruel jokes and we had to move on. Several emergency u/s always showed that things were A-OK with the baby - and to this day, they have no explanation for the bleeding that I had. With Banshee, my pregnancy was probably the 'easiest' in terms of major medical issues, but it was the roughest on my body. I was tired most of the time and felt every single second of that pregnancy. I can honestly say that I didn't really enjoy being pregnant. I managed to break my tailbone and caused some major damage during the delivery. The only common denominator through all 3 pregnancies was the fact that they were late. All of them needed eviction notices.
When I finally held each baby, I remember looking at them quite bewildered and thinking "Now what?!". Here I was, being handed these incredible gifts . . . and a gigantic heap of responsibility. Suddenly, absolutely everything I did reflected on what would happen with this child. Although the impact of this is most stark with the first child, it still carries a large impact. Suddenly you realize that the outside world is really a scary place to be. Babies don't come with instruction manuals, so . . . like every other parent out there, we faced it head on - going into it feet first, doing the best we could. We've tried our best to mould and teach these kids, and continuously do so. Even though all 3 kids have been raised in the same ways, all 3 are so completely different. I see similarities between them, but they most definitely are their own people.
Watching them blossom and flourish has been mind-numbing. I remember wondering what their personalities would be like; what their interests would be; if they'd be leaders, or followers; what their talents; their dreams; their ambitions in life would be. I wondered if they'd be compliant or defiant; or if they'd be curious about their world, or just took it as it was. I wondered if they were going to be independent or cautious; happy-go-lucky or reserved; athletic or artsy . . . the list goes on and on.
Teen is my sensitive kid. She's cautious and shy and often unsure of herself. Sometimes it pains me to see how much she allows that to hinder her. Instead of focusing on what she has to offer, and harnessing that, she often chooses to focus more on how others see her, and refrains from doing what she can. She's very concerned about fitting in and unfortunately, that IS a important part of teenaged girls lives today. Academically she does well, although she could do SO much more if she'd put more effort into it. This is NOT how I was, so I find this very difficult to understand, but . . . she does acheive good marks, and I really can't complain. I can only hope that one day she'll realize her true potential and will harness that. She is also stubborn and strong-willed. That definitely comes from her *ahem* mother. She's a fighter and always has her guard up. When her and I butt heads, it most definitely can be intense. Like her mother, she needs the last word. You can well imagine how many last words get tossed out during any arguments - lol! She is a beautiful girl with lots of potential, and in recent times I've seen that potential showing more and more. She's striving for independence and as hard as it is for this Momma to admit, she IS growing up. I watch as she develops relationships and makes decisions on her own. I watch her fall, fail at times, and hurt over it all, but more and more, I see the accomplishments, successes and happiness. Before long, her time here at home will be over and she'll head out into this big bad world alone. I hope and pray that we've done all that we can to provide her with the tools she needs to get by on her own. Although her and I DO butt heads at time, I truly hope that she knows I'm just trying to prepare her for all that she'll face in the future. My dreams and hopes for her are HUGE. While there is nothing 'specific' that I have planned out for her (that's up to her), my hopes are that she'll be successful, happy and content, and that she'll reach for any goal that she has; that she'll accept failures, dust herself off and try again. It amazes me almost daily to see what a wonderful young woman she has grown into.
Imp is my ginger-haired little guy. He is lively, vivacious and lives life to the fullest. He is happy go lucky and throws all caution to the wind. He doesn't care what anyone thinks of him. When opportunity knocks, my carefree little guy throws the doors WIDE open and seizes it with both hands. He is an intensely sweet and sensitive little guy, and is incredibly smart. And he's genuine. If he asks how you are, then he really DOES want to know. He wears his emotions on his sleeve and is exactly what you see. As a young child, he was busy. CRAZY busy. And exhausting. He was the hitter, the biter, the pusher . . . you get the picture, he was aggressive. Thankfully he outgrew each of those phases, but he's still a firecracker. He has an intense need for equality (to a fault), so if you do wrong by him, or his friends, he'll do anything in his power to fix that - even if it means getting into trouble. He's quirky and I think people sometimes have trouble 'getting' him. He's very misunderstood by some 'important' (I use that term loosely because in the grand scheme of things, these people (or person) is really irrelevant . . . just a wimpy excuse of a human on a power trip)) people, but the people that REALLY count DO understand where he's coming from. He's competitive, and LOVES to try new things. He is oddly scared of things that would surprise most (heights and speeds). He's the member of the family that will find the 'good' in every situation. Over the years, watching Imp bloom and grow has been amazing. He stays true to himself and doesn't get caught up in the daily politics of life. He befriends the underdogs; he's the kid that can make friends with ANYONE wherever we go. He excels academically and enjoys school. I know that Imp is going to go VERY far in life. His quest for knowledge is infinite . . . he craves information and always looks at the abstract side of things. His world is NOT just black and white . . . he sees every shade of grey between the 2. There are no fears that he'll go on and do great things.
Banshee is my fighter. She's very strong-willed; very driven and tough. Of all my kids, I think she shocks me the most. For a small little person, she's taught me SO much about life. I harbour a great deal of guilt for her health issues. I constantly think about what I could have done to prevent her from having these problems, and regret that I didn't fight harder for her when she was much younger. As a baby, she was very uncontent (is that even a word?!). She cried much of the time; I often alongside her, and she slept VERY poorly. I can count on 2 hands how many naps she's had in her 6 years of life. At a very young age she was put on steroids to treat her asthma, and that unfortunately has created what we call 'roid rage'. Her moods swing from one extreme to the other in seconds flat. It's all or nothing with her. She has moments where she is very sweet, co-operative and happy, but then there are as many times where she is foul, angry and frustrated. She doesn't like failure and struggles when she does. She takes everything very personally and never forgets ANYTHING (good lord do I know that all too well). All of that aside, this past year she has faced some significant health setbacks, and she has been a trooper through it all. There are moments where she does break down, but it's so seldom . . . for a kid of her age, you'd expect far more freak outs and turmoil. She accepts her situation and limitations, she works with them. She amazes me with her ability and drive to continue with her gymnastics and with her swimming. She wants to be included in everything that everyone else is doing. Although her personality can be a little difficult to manage at times, I know that she is going to be fine in life. She will NOT allow herself to be walked over. She will push and strive for everything she can. Academically, she is probably my weakest student. She does well enough (is pretty much RIGHT at the average), but she has to work for it. School is something that frustrates her at times. She thinks she should know how to do it all and when she doesn't, she gets upset. The reality is, she's still young (among the youngest in her grade) and with her health issues, it's been a tough transition. I have all confidence that things will 'click' with her and she's advance with leaps and bounds. The other day as the kids were getting ready for an outting I called out that they had about 10mins to get ready. Banshee immediately calls out "that's about 600 seconds which is ACTUALLY a long time Mommy". How on earth did she figure that out so quick?! Yesterday, as she went into her gym practise, I told her that I was running to wal-mart and would be back to get her. She nodded and said "you only have 90 minutes to do it". Really?! HOW? How does she know this? As we walked to the car after her practise (you'll all be glad to know that I was back well within my 90min limit), she stops to talk to the rest of her teammates, and their conversations were so, well, grown up. I can't believe that my baby is growing up.
Being a parent has been one of the most difficult, yet rewarding things I've ever done. People criticize and offer up opinions (whether we want them or not), but the reality is, I think we're doing a pretty good job. I know that we're not perfect. They frustrate and annoy me at times, but the reality is, *I* was chosen to bring these kids into this world, and was trusted with their upbringing. That is completely mind-blowing to me. I look at the trials and tribulations we have faced and the ones that we are about to face and realize that children are truly remarkable things. To go from completely helpless to indepedent in as short a period of time as they do is awesome.
I hope and dream that ALL my kids will grow up into productive and successful people; that they'll be happy and content with their lives; and that they continuously challenge themselves. Most of all, I hope they stay true to themselves and live life to the fullest.
1 comment:
Well Jilly....I hope they realize that they are just as lucky to have you as you are to have them!
Post a Comment