Grocery Shopping

Next to laundry and emptying a thermos with 2 week old hotdogs in it (oh ick . . . just typing that out brought back memories of that moment and I just threw up in my mouth a little bit. . . blech!), grocery shopping is the next best thing. While I'm sure my other half would happily take over that duty, the reality is, he misses stuff on the list and comes home with bags and bags of crap that NO ONE needs. For that reason, I brave this task on my own. Well, not always alone, I usually have one or more little people in tow.

I try to make grocery shopping as economical as possible, although it seems as though the weekly cost creeps up more and more every single trip. I expect the increase in the winter months because our 'fresh' produce is shipped in from various tropical or warmer climates, so it costs an arm and a leg to buy, but the increases in the past couple of years are NUTS. I suppose it might have something to do with the fact that my children are fairly close-minded when it comes to food, and tend to only eat the same things, and unfortunately those few things are quite expensive. Or maybe it's just the grocery chains KNOWING that we *NEED* food to exist, so they just charge us through the nose. I expect the latter.

Sunday is grocery shopping day for our family. It allows us to get all the supplies we need for lunches and meals for the week. Just seems like a good way to 'start' the week. I sit down armed with my pen, a paper and the flyer and menu plan for the week. I know, eh (can you tell I'm Canadian or what?!), isn't that organized of me?!This isn't a cut and dry process . . . my goal is to try to use ingredients we already have at home, and to supplement with stuff from the store. I always try to include one full meal from the freezer full of stuff that we have. Funny how the comment "there's nothing to eat in this house" gets thrown around at our house often, but the reality is, there's hardly any room left in either the deep freezer or the one above the fridge). Once I get that menu done, I go through and decide what I need to get and make a list. Easy enough, right?

Then I get myself ready, arm myself with the bags and head out. Superstore is usually the store of choice for me. Not necessarily because I *LIKE* it, but moreover because it's got the best prices and is the most convenient for me. When I walk in, I start in the produce section, gathering up the mother-lode of fruits and veggies. It's usually at this point that I realize that I've forgotten my list.

Every. Single. Time.

I have no idea why that happens, but I spend all that time writing the damn thing, but then I leave it on the counter at home. So, I try my best to dust the cobwebs out of the deep recesses of my brain and remember what I had written down. Fruits and veggies are easy enough . . . they're required every week and I just buy what looks good and what only cost an arm or a leg - not both. Then I work my way to the bakery section. This is the part of the store that frustrates me the most. If I'm paying top dollar for a loaf a bread or for some FRESH baked buns, then I expect them to be just that - FRESH or at the very least have reasonable best before dates. As someone who worked in a bakery for years, I'm in the know about how a day-old bun looks and feels, yet the staff at the local Superstore are relying on the fact that people going through DON'T know this, or at the very least aren't paying attention until it's too late. Obviously I DO notice, so I have to dig deep behind everything to find the freshest items. Fellow shoppers must think that I'm crazy as I feel up my bread products before I buy them, although they may have already figured that out when I was I feeling up the produce a few minutes earlier.

By the time I wheel myself out of the produce and bread sections, my cart looks as though I'm the picture of healthy eating. It's packed with tons of fruits, veggies and whole wheat bread products. From that point on, it's kind of 'downhill' from there. I typically cruise through the meat counters, only pausing briefly to grab chicken if it's on sale (and every so often when the sales are good, I'll grab some beef or pork, but we aren't much of a carnivorous family). I continue through the store stocking up on margarine, cream cheese (cream cheese is a STAPLE in our family!!), eggs, milk, cheese, crackers, cookies, canned beans (yes - the fart-in-a-can variety. This is also a staple), applesauces and snacks for lunches. Oh, and Diet Coke. This too is a staple. Mustn't forget that. Even though I'm on a quest to remove weight, diet coke is my one vice. If one stands between me and my caffeine fix, LOOK OUT!!

As I'm weaving my way up and down the aisles, I get stopped at least 5x by some guy trying to convince me to sign up for a Superstore Mastercard. It's become a game for me to come up with as many different and unique excuses that I can about why I don't need their card. The reality is, I just don't want one, but that's not a good enough response as they continue to harass me about it, so I get creative. The last was that I told him I was banned from having a credit card because I just finished serving a lengthy jail term for credit card fraud. Yeah, he walked away from me pretty darn quickly. As I maneouvre my rapidly filling cart through the store, I am often stopped by folk who find it necessary to stop and chat in the middle of the aisle. While I'm as social as the next person, I find it frustrating that these people feel the need to block the entire aisle, and heaven forbid if I have to ask to get past. It's like I've asked them to give up their first born child. Or how about those folks that walk in the MIDDLE of the aisle. You know who I'm talking about, those folks that walk slower than a turtle and sloth. Or how about the smelly folk that we follow through the store. No matter how much you try switch up the aisle you're in, you ALWAYS end up downwind to stanky BO.

By the time I'm racing back to the produce section for the 5th time, and then back to the opposite side of the store (remember, I'm going by memory here) things are falling off my cart. Because this is the SUPERstore, meaning that it's mostly a 'one stop' shopping experience, if I feel compelled, I can browse through the clothing, toy, housewares, seasonal or small appliance section. Most of the time I avoid those sections, but sometimes I DO get sucked in. Cha-ching!!

I make my way to the check outs. No matter what time of day it is, the line ups are obscene and there's never enough cashiers. Call me what you may, but there is ONE cashier that I avoid like the plague. I will go out of my way to avoid his line, including standing in a line up of 10+ people, even if his line is empty. I'm a pretty open minded individual, and I of all people understand "quirky", but this guy crosses the line. One time when I was buying Midol, plugs and pads (both 'super' and 'teen' size) he made a statement about how 'fun' my house must be with a teenaged girl and a Mom on their periods at the same time. He also commented on the "super" aspect of the tampons. Oh yes - let your imagination run wild - because that is EXACTLY what he was saying. Really?! He went there?! For someone as quick with a response as I am, I was at a loss . . . he completely blindsided me. Another time this same guy engaged my son (who was 6 at the time) in a discussion about "big kahunas". For real. And yet another time, he was trying to figure out what I was making with every item I was buying. And it was a lot. I get that he's kind of "special", so I'm not about to report him because I'm sure he NEEDS that job, but, to save myself any more embarrassment or inappropriate comments, I just avoid him.

When I get to the check outs, I painstakingly put my items on the belt. I'm often reminded to leave my case of pop in the cart, yet as I'm bagging things, I'm asked to come back around to use the portable scanner to scan it myself. Really?! Wouldn't it have been easier if I'd just put the case on the belt in the first place?! My most FAVOURITE part of checking out is the bagging. First of all, they've trained me over the years that I need to bring my own bags. There is NOTHING that ticks me off more than paying for a bag that rips the second you put something in it. The bag thing doesn't really bother me - I'm used to it now and have accepted it. BUT . . . what I haven't accepted is how they herd us through like cattle. They toss everything to one side of the belt and expect ME to bag it all on my own. Fine and dandy, I am certainly capable, but there are folks who maybe CAN'T. AND . . . when I've got a big load of stuff, it'd be nice to have some help - you know - to get me out of there faster. As I'm frantically bagging things, they keep tossing stuff, then, much to my chagrin, they push the button to move the belt with the stuff that I'm bagging. I HATE when they do that. If I wanted to move that damn belt, I'd have pushed the freakin' button on my own. When THEY do it, I usually wind up with stuff falling off the end, and whatever bag I'm working on, the stuff falls over. When the cashier is finished shoving my stuff through, and I'm still busily bagging, they tell me my total in a tone that says "hurry up lady, you're holding up the line". I work my way around and pay for it, and return to my bagging. Now, when I grocery shop, the 2 separate areas for bagging are BOTH used by my stuff. Yes folks, we buy THAT much stuff. This is the point where the cashier looks, or moreover GLARES at me because I'm taking too long. They can't put another customer through until at least one of those areas are emptied. Instead of offering to help me to move me along, they allow me to struggle on my own. I'll apologize now to anyone who has been in a line behind me before, but being the bitch that I am, this is the point where I take my time. I meticulously put things in the bags, and arrange them carefully back into my cart. I mean really?! That person who simply scans the stuff through in a mind-numbing way can't pick up a bag and help me put stuff in a bag or two?!

Apparently not. Eventually I finish and carry on. Conveniently there is a Wine Rack RIGHT near the check outs. YAY wine! This little kiosk is what in my opinion makes the Superstore SUPER!! I make a quick pit stop to buy some wine. For cooking. Yeah - that's it. I use it for cooking. You know - having a glass or bottle or two while I prepare dinner.

As I walk towards the Wine Rack, I'm often humoured by the "ABCD" box located on the wall. What does that ABCD mean? Why it stands for Above and Beyond the Call of Duty box - you know - where you can commend the employees for a job well done. I often scratch my head trying to figure out why they'd have that box; because they perfected their glare? Or because they DIDN'T glare at me as I struggled to bag my stuff. Or that they didn't comment on my hormonal monthly state? I can see it now "I'd like to commend so-and-so on January 23 because when she picked her nose she wiped the golden nugget on her pants BEFORE she reached out to take my card" BARF! (true story . . . I very well COULD have written that comment).

The next best part of grocery shopping is carrying the stuff into the house, and putting it away. Thankfully my other half is helpful in that respect. Mostly it's because he's taking inventory of anything 'fun' or exciting that I might have bought, but regardless of the reason, I'm just thankful for the help. Once I get things put away and the bags all folded and back in the van, I find my 'lost' list.

And *THAT* my friends, is when I realize that I forgot something REALLY important on my list.

And *THAT* means that I need to head out again.

BUT . . . this time I choose the little store just down the way (it costs 5x as much), but they BAG my stuff, and if need be, they'll carry it to the car for me.

And when I make a stop in THAT store, I always end up buying some junk that we don't need . . .