"Heavy" Issues

Fluffy; plump; chunky; rotund; well-rounded; buoyant; horizontally challenged . . . no matter how you say it, it all means the same thing, OVERWEIGHT. Or in laymans terms, fat.

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that I fall into that category.

I. AM. FAT.

Plain and simple.

BUT . . . I'm not AS fat as I was last year at this time. Last year at this time I was about 85lbs HEAVIER. In January of last year, a friend posted that she was hosting a friendly Biggest Loser Competition. I was intrigued by it all, but scared at the same time. I was at a personal high in terms of weight, and I wanted and needed to remove weight, but I certainly didn't want someone I know to SEE just how much I weighed. However, in a quick second, my mind removed my reservations and BAM - I replied stating that I was interested, and from there, a few days later we started. We were able to use whatever program we chose to remove the weight - we simply reported in once a week for a weigh in and measurements. I opted for Weight Watchers, something I've been successful on in the past. The first week was tough (you need to remember that I live in a household with 2 UNDERWEIGHT children, a teenager and a husband who thinks he's still working on the same metabolism he had when he was 15 years old), but the first weigh in showed significant results, so from there, it was much easier. I was motivated. And motivated I remained. And still remain. Although she is probably unaware of it, I owe an awful lot to this gal that organized and arranged these competitions . . . it was a pivotal moment in my life. It gave me that boost to overcome the obstacles and perservere through it all. I went from borderline high cholestoral, borderline high blood sugars and elevated blood pressure to completely normal and healthy levels. For that - I extend my humble thanks . . . and if she's reading, she knows EXACTLY who she is. For her, it was probably just something she was doing to motivate herself, but in the end, she motivated ME - and for that, I owe her A LOT!!

I've struggled with weight my entire life. I've been up and down more than a yo-yo. I was a fat kid, a fat teen and a fat woman. I've been REALLY skinny. I've been really fat, and everything in between. I've been made fun of, I've been ridiculed, I've been embarrassed, I've been harassed about it - like people think I don't know that I'm fat or that I'm sensitive to it. I've tried MANY diets. Some were sort of successful, some, not so much. Most unhealthy, and in the end, most ended with me gaining it all back, and then some (so I suppose we could say it wasn't really successful?!). I'd remove significant weight, but then would pack it all back on, either because the program wasn't even remotely close to 'real life' eating, and once you go off program, you're left wondering how the heck to manage things, OR, I just made poor eating decisions, OR . . . I got pregnant. Pregnancy is NOT friendly to many women in terms of weight. Especially not to me. Actually, the pregnancy itself didn't cause quite so much damage - I mean let's face it, I lost about 12lbs the instant I delivered each baby and all their baggage, I always seem to gain the most weight AFTER the baby is born. Instead of focusing on healthy eating, I was just struggling to get something in, and that is NOT a healthy way. Eventually, I saw a picture of myself and I was disgusted. I knew I had to do something, but I just wasn't in the mindset that I needed to be. It's one thing to have to lose just 5 pounds, but the realization that one needs to remove in excess of 100lbs?! Yeah, hard to swallow.

I refer to the process of slimming down as "removing" weight as opposed to "losing" weight? Why you ask?! Because once I get rid of it, I sure as hell don't want it coming to FIND me again!!!

Removing weight is no easy task. In fact it outright sucks. Believe me. I know. I have MUCH experience with this. Much, much, MUCH experience. No matter how you look at it, weight removal entails that much dreaded process . . . D I E T. You know, DIE with a T at the end. When one starts a diet, it's like the end of the world has arrived. Suddenly we crave stuff that we haven't had any interest in for eons, and we sneak just one little bite of something as if it's going to disappear from the face of the earth. And the voices . . . oh my word, the voices. It's not until you diet that you realize food - particularly sinfully 'bad' food truly DOES have a voice. And it calls to you. Taunting and begging you to come and eat it. The more you resist, the more it calls.

Through the dieting process I've very quickly realized that I'm a *foody*. I like food. A lot. And it's safe to say that I think food likes me. I wish I could say that I'm picky and only like to eat lettuce leaves and tuna, but that is the furthest from the reality. I like to eat and try new things. Is that wrong?! Not really I suppose, but my arse definitely tells a different tale. Just SMELLING or thinking of sinfully good food packs a few pounds to my thunder thighs or arse. The one thing that I HAVE learned is that I need to indulge to be successful. If I completely resist the cravings, they DO increase and I crave even more. If I allow myself a little 'cheat' here and there, I seem to do so much better. I get that craving out of my system, and I'm able to move on.

I also have my resident weight coaches in house. Lucky(?) for me, Banshee and Imp are VERY quick to speak up and ask "Mommy . . . is it OK for you to eat that?" or if we're out somewhere they'll pipe up "Is that allowed on your diet?". Imp, who shares some of the same witty humour that I do will sometimes smirk at me when I'm having a bite of something forbidden and say "oh wow - look at that! I didn't know they had DIET chocolate bars!". Yeah . . . nothing sobers you faster than your kids giving you crap for something.

There are also little trade secrets . . . like if you eat something taboo - if you eat it while standing, it doesn't count. Or the fact that YES there IS diet chocolate. Or diet wine. Really, if I stand up and drink my diet wine, then I'm probably shedding the pounds right then and there, right?! People are quick to point fingers at alcohol as a weight gaining culprit. Not sure where people get that from, but for me, it's something that makes me move. Heck, I'm like Richard Simmons when I drink wine - sometimes complete with the headband (or the decorative hat from the bathroom door, or the hard hat from someones truck . . . oh wait, totally off topic here . . . ). Often when I drink I wind up dancing (think Elaine Benes from Friends) or doing some other equally active thing - or at the very least, I'm making repeated trips back and forth to the bathroom (have I ever mentioned that not only did child bearing help me gain weight, it messed with my bladder?!).

The other big component to weight removal is exercise.

Yeah, I said it. E-X-E-R-C-I-S-E.

Quite frankly, I equate exercise to hell. However, I've learned that it's a necessary evil, so I might as well embrace it somewhat. Walking was (and is) fine, but it's boring. I mean, I see the same sights, the same people, and it just gets old quickly. Then of course I have to deal with the extreme weather conditions, the shorter days, etc. Going to the gym isn't my forte either . . . I'm a little (or a lot) intimidated by the machines and the men that work out on them (you know - the ones that are built like brick shit-houses and could knock my fat ass from here to there with no effort whatsoever). The last time I went to the gym I was struggling with a 30lb weight, and some man came over to help me - putting down about 400lbs to do so. Yeah, I was a smidge embarrassed. Swimming is fine too - but for me, I have trouble keeping out of the way of others. Those lines can't seem to contain me to my own lane. Besides, I prefer to cannonball the other swimmers or play Marco Polo . . . and for some reason, they poo-poo me for that. Bike riding is a great method for exercise . . . unfortunately, I've got issues with my tailbone and sitting on the seat of the bike is NOT an option, and even if I didn't . . . I've got knee troubles and going up any sort of hill (which is basically everywhere around here) causes all sorts of nasty things. Well, nasty to me. Probably humourous for anyone witnessing. Then there are those home machines - the elliptical and the Dreadmill. I'm not even going to elaborate on that much more than the fact that they make FANTASTIC (and expensive!) clothes lines. Who needs a closet when you've got the elliptical and dreadmill?! SO . . . what DO I do?! Zumba and stuff on the Wii (don't mock me here . . . but I DO actually get a work out with the Wii). I absolutely love Zumba! It's the only exercise I can do for an hour at at time, and when the cooldown starts, I'm DISAPPOINTED!! And let me tell you . . . the gal that instructs it KICKS MY ASS almost every week.

Other 'small' things that have made me successful in my weight removal endeavour is stress. And gallbladder issues. While I don't particularly enjoy either of them, they really do assist in helping with dieting. Compliments of the stress, I'm not really interested in eating a whole lot (as a "bad" side effect, my hair is falling out by the handfuls - ICK!), and when I do, the gallbladder dictates what I DO eat. I can't eat much in terms of meats, proteins, fried or fat-laden food. It's almost certain to launch me into yet another gallbladder attack. Some question why I haven't dealt with my gallbladder. One might argue that it's because I'm a chicken (which I am), but I choose to say it's because it's helping with removing weight. When you know the consequences of eating a trigger food, you tend to steer clear. WAY clear. Until you've experienced a gallbladder attack (or a heart attack perhaps - because the first few times I had a GB attack, I was certain I was having a heart attack), one really has NO idea how much pain is involved.

So . . . I've definitely made some changes. I've removed some weight. I've added more exercise to my life. I've noticed. Others have noticed. It feels good. In fact it feels GREAT! I've had to buy new clothes on many occassions and am currently wearing a size I haven't seen in YEARS - probably over a decade. I'm pretty proud of myself for that.

I've still got a little ways to go (who am I kidding, I've got a LONG way to go), but honestly, I don't know where my end point is. I'm not on the quest to be 115 lbs, just want to find a healthier weight where my body and mind are happy. I want to be able to set a good example for my kids and to be able to do things with them.

My next step is to get my knees, hip and tailbone all fixed up. Oddly enough, the one thing that the medical world suggests when one is having knee and hip problems is to remove weight. The more I remove, the more my hip and knees become a problem. Just one more abnormalitiy to add to my list. When I get this remaining weight removed, I'll finally deal with that gallbladder. I see GREAT things in my future. I'm motivated and that's half the battle right there. I'm going to keep plugging along . . . and hopefully by the end of the summer, I'll be where I need to be.

Until then . . . please keep your potato chips and fat-full wine (my downfall) hidden! Thanks!