Changes

Happy New Year!! Can you even begin to believe that it's 2015?! Hell, I remember the millennium like it was yesterday, and the concern that the world was going to self-combust and/or revert us back to the dinosaur days when the calendars turned over from 1999. Y2K. The spawn of the real crazies, you know, the ones that would go on and build bomb shelters and stocked up on toilet paper and bottled water when the mayan calendar was ending. Sheesh - the poor guy who was writing the mayan calendar probably got a writers cramp, or his pen ran out of ink and he just gave up. Or? He just got bored. Fun times. Anyway, it's been awhile since I've been here; a R-E-A-L-L-Y long time. I think it's time to dust off the keyboard and get back at it.

So, in the years brief hiatus I've taken from the blog world, there has been a lot of change. Change is inevitable. Some is gradual and subtle while some is a little more in your face. I went back to school and graduated with a 97 (and change)% average. Then, I had surgery on my lower back and tailbone (twice - the last being to reopen the incision and clean out all the dead and infected stuff - blah). Then I got a temp job covering a leave (basically doing what I did all those years before I had multiple children and committed career suicide by choosing to stay home to parent them - along with other kids along the way, Incidentally - it must be noted...I would do that all over again. Staying home with my kids was the best decision that we could have ever made. Not many people get that opportunity, but being able to stay home with your kids while they are young? Such a great experience - for them AND me!), which turned into a permanent position (I'm forever grateful for that opportunity - I love where I am and the people I work with). That transition back into full-time work, juggling 3 kids and all their comings and goings, maintaining a house, dealing with a dog, medical hoo-ha, and life in general drove me into a world of heavy drinking and self-medicating was definitely challenging. Now that I've got that balance somewhat, well, balanced, I'm going ahead and tossing in another thing - school, again. This time just a couple of courses each semester (this semester is just one in-class, and an on-line course). You know, because I'm crazy like that.

DQ was the root of much change in our family this past year. Essentially, she grew up and was demanding begging for Mama Bear to cut the apron strings. GULP! She graduated high school (with honours) and took that big step into the big, bad world and went to university. Prior to all that, we saw her through her first heartbreak (although I suspect she might have been the cause of heartbreak more than she suffered), and prom. AND...to add to it all, she turned 18. YIKES! I don't really know how this all happened, I mean it was just a couple years ago that she was a baby girl eating cheerios and watching hell in the form of a television programs Teletubbies and Barney (I'd like to throat-punch whomever created those programs, thank-you-very-much. I had to 'ban' them from our house when we had more children). Today, she is gearing up to return to school for the second semester. She's become a beautiful, mature (for the most part), adult. I'm very proud of who she's become and how far she's come, but man oh man, I'm not ready to sever that final thread just yet although some days I still would like to push her straight into her future where she has kids of her own and what goes around comes around.

Imp has seen so much change over the years, but in the past year, it's been for the GOOD. Situations changed at school I REALLY want to say something here about a certain Asshat, but since I'm taking the high road, I won't for him, and it's been nothing but good, better and fantastic for him. He gets up and goes to school without fights, he isn't having the nightmares he used to have, he's eating, and I think in general, he's learning to trust the adults involved. We've also seen a positive change with his anxieties, tics and his ability to self-regulate - and for us, that is a HUGE step. He still has his struggles, and we continue to find resolve and ways to manage these, but things are just so much better. This year he made the decision to join the local basketball team. That experience alone is so good for him - on so many levels. For the first time, he's a part of a team - a team that relies on him, and he's learning so much from that. In all, I'm so proud of his efforts and his attitude towards it all (because Lord knows, he should have shut-down entirely after his experiences over the past several years). He is still his kind-hearted, helpful, compassionate self - something I hope he never veers from.

Banshee keeps us on our toes. She's DQ, just in a smaller/younger package. And with more spirit and feistiness shoot me now - how am I ever going to survive her teen years?. There has been significant change in her little world in the past bit. First and foremost, she gave up cheer. Cheerleading used to be her passion - she lived and breathed all things cheer, but, much to my happiness (I didn't love the travel (we once travelled 6+ hours each way for about 6 mins (and that was only because she was involved with a duo, so had 2 performances) of stage time - for real!), the ridiculously expensive outfits, the make-up and the hair), she said she wanted a 'break from cheer' and opted to take more dance (she's always taken a recreational dance class and enjoyed it). Three dances to be exact - of which she loves. She recently asked if we would allow her to do competitive dance next year Cha-ching! Cha-ching! Cha-ching!. I guess her cheer break might be 'permanent' YAY! and GULP! all at the same time. Another big change was her move from her tiny little school to a different huge school in the town next to us for the extended French program. While the first day was a little intimidating, she adjusted quickly and has fit right in and loves it! Health-wise, she is doing really well. She is well-controlled with medications (a lot more than I'd like to see, but after trying to pull back on a few, we've had to add them all back in, so this is her 'norm'). She is scheduled for an MRI and a visit to a neuro-opthamologist in the upcoming months for something that has cropped up, but we aren't going to get excited about this until we know all the details. She is exactly like her mother a stubborn, hard-headed, determined little soul. I know this kid is going to go REALLY far in life - she just never gives up.

My other half - he just rides this crazy train with me. He's the stability, the rock and my chief support system as we weave our way through this crazy path of life. He's the grounded for my insane; the calm for my excitement; the level-headed, brave soul for facing the highs and lows of my hormonally challenged being. OR...maybe he's just plain out crazy - he DOES choose to live this life - haha!

Changes are all an inevitable part of life. They're sometimes great; or sometimes crappy. Sometimes needed; sometimes wanted. Sometimes welcomed; sometimes not so much. And Sometimes, most times, they're bittersweet. Very bittersweet. Watching our kids grow up, achieve milestones and become who they are is exciting yet sad all at the same time. I mean seriously...how did I become the Mom of an 18 year old, and how did my baby hit double digits? When they were younger, I sometimes foolishly wished they were a little more independent and older, yet now that they are, I would give anything to go back and enjoy those times a little more. As I go through the day to day, I think to myself that nothing has changed much - that we almost seem to be in a stalemate, but when I sit and reflect, I realize just how much has changed. Five years ago, I NEVER would have been able to imagine being a 40-something raving lunatic Mom with one of my kids leaving the nest and stepping out into life on her own, and having my baby hit double digits...yet here I am, barely maintaining my mama-bear sanity as I go through worry-filled, sleepless nights all the while drinking heavily and self-medicating coping very well. I'm looking forward to see what the future holds for all of us...

So...now that I've got you all caught up, I'll be back soon - Lord knows I have A LOT to say and share. Things may have changed around here, but that doesn't mean "life" doesn't continue to happen around here...