Another bump along the child-rearing road...Independent Driving (of the Teenaged kind)

I know I've already written about this, but we've reached a new level or milestone with it all, and it warrants another telling.

So, my oldest devil spawn darling, well-balanced, non-hormonal girl child is 16 (and actually on the downside of it - closer to 17 - YIKES!). The day after she turned 16, this Momma packed her up and drove her to the city to get her G1 (for those not in the know, G1 is the first part of the graduated licensing system here, kind of like a learners permit). She wrote her test, got the official documents in her hot little hands, and as we walked out the door - her with a permanent grin on her face - me blanching a bit (OK, A LOT!) - she said the words I feared most; "Can I drive?"

And at that exact moment, I sprouted a hundred little gray hairs. And felt my heart lurch into my throat. And panic rising within me.

We compromised at that moment, because it wouldn't be fair to the entire human race as we know it anyone to expose a completely unskilled driver on the streets of a busy city, so I got us out of the city and onto a country back road, and handed over the reins.

And that was the single-most scary moment of my life to that point. Oddly enough, I've had A LOT of scary moments since then, and even oddlier, is the fact they've ALL involved a certain teenaged girl and driving. I have almost worn out the holy-shit handles AND have almost succeeded in putting Flintstone style brake-holes on the passenger side floor from slamming my foot against the imaginary brakes. Do you have ANY idea how hard it is to relinquish ALL control of the car to someone completely inexperienced?! I honestly think I'm ALMOST to the point where I could afford to use a blue wash now. Seriously, my hair has grayed SIGNIFICANTLY since Teen's birthday - and that's no coincidence. Quite honestly, I truly am surprised that I'm not a raging alcoholic at this point.

Regardless of the fact that we`ve always said that it's mandatory for our kids to take driver's education, driving with her those first few times made it crystal clear that we needed a miracle worker. And a tank. And a pair of Depends every time we got in the car with her reinforced that driver's ed was a pretty good idea. In my mind anyway, not so much in hers: Driver's Ed is like school, and school really isn't her "thing", and when she kept putting it off, I knew we maybe weren't on the same page, and after talking with her, I realized that she definitely didn't see the importance of Driver's Ed. BUT...we argued and butted heads over it, but I threw down the Mom card and made it crystal clear that she would NOT be able to drive my cars beyond her one year G1 period unless she took a course gently, calmly and patiently discussed the benefits and importance of driver's education, and she very willingly, and even happily embraced the opportunity we were giving her.

So, she went to Driver's Ed. Yes, yes, she did. After the first day, I heard ALL about how stupid and dumb her instructor was because she probably called bullshit on all the cellphone use and actually made them work in class because she was old and knows NOTHING about driving, you know, because an experienced driver knows NOTHING compared to the know-everything-teens out there, I mean really, I can't believe that teenagers even should need the course because they could have written the books and taught the classes better than any experienced driver. SHEESH. Based on that alone, I know that she was FANTASTIC. After 2 AGONIZING quick and painless weeks, the in-class portion was over, and Teen was excitedly waiting for her in-car lessons. You know, the part of the driver's education that makes them better drivers. Except the in-car stuff didn't necessarily make her a better driver. Don't get me wrong, she learned new stuff - like U-turns, 3-point turns, where all the Tim Horton's are between here and various cities (you know, the important shit), but there are some more "unimportant" things, like parallel parking, how exactly intersections and stop signs work, who has the right of way in a parking lot (which, for the record, in Teen's mind, is ALWAYS her), pedestrians, buses, what flashing green lights or arrows mean, that they apparently neglected to teach them. Or she just didn't absorb. I suspect the latter. Regardless of the reason, it's a reality, and it's scary. Pant shitting scary I might add. And because of that, my other half and I play rock, paper, scissors to see which sucker doting and committed parent has to slip on a Depends and risk life and limb gets the honourable pleasure of driving with our competent and knowledgeable new driver.

I hate rock, paper, scissors. I ALWAYS lose. Hence the gray hair.

Anyway, we have reached a point where our beloved Teen is about to venture out to get her G2 (part 2 of the graduated licensing system - with this part, she is entitled to drive alone, with certain restrictions). We thought today was that day, but she was mistaken, and it's actually next week. There IS a God!!! She is upset over it (which I DO understand, and I DO feel for her. I do. For real. It's shitty to get your hopes and excitement built up for something, only to find out hours before the time that you're actually a week off). However, as the owner of the car she is going to drive for this test, of which I will NOT be in during the testing process a freaked out Mom, I am glad of the extra week of practice (sort of - I need to get some more Depends though). After the "practicing" we did for hours yesterday, she actually showed much sign of improvement, and we only cried once (each), and we only almost died once (at the same time - HOLY SHIT!!). She just needs to practice a few things a few more times, and hopefully she'll nail this test.

Contrary to how it sounds, I DO want this for her. She needs this independence, and needs this accomplishment to help her self-esteem and confidence to grow. I also (sometimes) enjoy the fact that I can sit back and be the passenger, because she is definitely more than willing to take over the driving responsibilities. I am scared shitless of letting my daughter venture out on her own in a 1-ton murder weapon vehicle with her inexperience and cocky "I'm invincible" attitude, but I'm even more afraid of all the other inexperienced, distracted, and all out bad drivers out there. That's my little girl, and it would tear our world up if something ever happened to her. SO...while I want this for her, I'm still very relieved for the extra week of 'protection' I've gained from this test date error, and I fully admit, I'm breathing easier. For now.

Ask me again next week at this time, and I'll likely be whistling a different tune.

And ask me again in a few months when she is driving my car all over the place, and leaving it in the driveway with no gas in it. Or when she backs into or over something.

Good grief. I take it ALL back. I want to cancel this whole driving thing. I think she should stick to biking and walking.

While I sit here feeling as though I've dodged a bullet today, my darling Teen has just left the house to lick her wounds of disappointment with a trip to the beach: In a truck with her friend who already has her G2 (which she hasn't had all that long). GULP! Reality is, this is the new normal - she is among some of the youngest in her grade and peer group, so they ALL are getting their licenses before her.

So I ask myself, what is worse, your teenaged child being the driver of a car or being a passenger in a car driven by another teenager. And the answer to that is; I. NEED. A. DRINK. A stiff one at that.

I'm SO not ready for this. But whether "I'm" ready or not is irrelevant...it is happening, and I need to slap on a happy face, a pair of Depends, and enjoy the ride. And pray. A lot.