Winter

Greetings from hell the Arctic Tundra! I truly think Hell has frozen over It's a winter wonderland outside my windows. Actually, I don't personally know what it's like outside because everything is frozen over with a layer of ice - I'm not even sure I could open any door to get out. Even the dog doesn't want to go out in it - I guess little Princess Paw-paw doesn't like the feel of her feet crunching through the ice layer, or the electrical picky feeling when the ice pellets hit her? Or maybe she doesn't feel that she has the traction she needs as she dumps yet another load of crap on the deck.

Last winter sucked. Period. It snowed, and snowed, and snowed. Then it snowed some more, and a little bit more, and even more. Then it dumped all over us, and snowed again, and again, and again. And then it up and snowed on us again, and blizzarded and stormed and snowed - wash, rinse, and repeat. And it was cold (with a lot of fricken-fracken snow). Like instant snot-sicle the second you walked out the door kind of cold; or $500/month (for many months) heating bills. For 11 god-foresaken months! Ok, that might be a slight exaggeration, but it sure felt like it. It was the type of weather where by the time January rolled around, we were left wondering where they were going to put the snow - we had Mt. Everest right at the end of our driveway - seriously - I think we had the best toboggan hill in town - and when I climbed that hill (yes, I got up there and tobogganed several times with the kids) I could see well over the house tops and across town (yes, I do live in some little padunk town with the population of about 1000 people, but the point is, the hill was high). There were multiple roof collapses, house fires, and car accidents (the number of fatalities on the highway due to weather-related accidents was astounding). And then all the snow had to melt and go somewhere mostly in people's basements....yeah, that was a fun spring - especially considering the fact that my neighbour NEVER blow any snow in his front lawn - he aims EVERYTHING at our lawn (for real - as I type this, our front lawn probably has a foot more snow than anyone else - because this guy aims it ALL in our yard), or at the side of the house, against my windows (we've had to go over multiple times to ask him to NOT aim at our house - because you know, apparently that isn't common knowledge or courtesy), and the roof...but I digress....

SO...when winter hit early this year - we had a couple of doozy storms in November - complete with snow days and such (my children were in their glory thinking that this year was going to be riddled with weekly snow days (I think we averaged about 1 snow day a week last winter!!)), everyone was flocking to the liquor and beer stores and running to the doctors and local drug dealers looking for Prozac and Valium prescriptions and maybe a little something-something to help dull the reality bracing and preparing for another long, cold winter. BUT...it would dump all over us, and then get warm the next few days and melt away. This happened several times, and then...it just melted, and stayed warmish (and rained - a lot). The first day of winter quietly arrived, bringing hopes of a milder, calmer, gentle

And...we had a green Christmas. While I never pretend to like the snow and winter, I DO admit that there needs to be snow for Christmas - although it can go away after that, thank-you-very-much. The upswing is that it made Holiday travel very easy. The downswing is that it was a miserable wet, muddy mess, and sending the kids out to play wasn't really an option (although Imp was able to get out and play with his bow and arrow set - that would be the "best Christmas gift ever" gift in his books. The damn fat-guy in the red and white suit is the hero again - Jerk!).

Then, earlier this week, it started to snow, AND...it basically hasn't stopped. Winter has officially arrived with a resounding "SCREW YOU". It's been the type of week where I'd like to pack everything up and move to a tropical island somewhere where I can complain about the heat and humidity all year long. All week they've been predicting some crazy weather - complete with freezing rain, snow and then a plunge in temps that are apparently supposed to bring some extreme cold warnings - which reminds me, I guess I should pull out the cords and plug the vehicles block heaters in. I don't think my children have actually experienced a true "cold" day - you know, where they close the schools and don't run the buses because they simply won't start of their genuine concern for the welfare and safety of the children.

So...what do the very responsible parents of a family do when the entire area they live in and surrounds them is in a freezing rain warning (as it's been dumping snow on them all day long to start with - where the roads haven't been cleared well and is a safety issue)? Why, they pack up the whole fam damily and make the out of town trip to watch a hockey game, of course! After a white-knuckled drive to the city that took much longer than it should have, we arrived at the game safe and sound (and not a second too soon - my windshield had an impressive layer of ice forming and my "window" of visibility was lessening with every km we travelled). As we walked through the doors of the arena, we quickly forgot about the hazardous conditions we just endured winter wonderland we were leaving in the parking lot. In fact, it was like a hometown reunion - I think the arena was mostly filled with people from our hometown area. That eliminated any feeling of bad parenting I had - although as I reflect back, perhaps it's more an issue of our entire area being bad parents for endangering our lives on the highway of the sake of a hockey game, but...hockey games ARE important - after all, we ARE Canadian. Anyway, the game was awesome. We had second row seats so were right up by the glass - incredible seats for sure! While watching one team get pulverized isn't necessarily a fun thing to watch (you do ALMOST feel sorry for the losing team in that situation) - it was awesome to watch Imp and my other half get all into the game, you know, jumping around, yelling and screaming like a fool supporting and calmly cheering the home team; and watching Teen get all infatuated twitterpated with one of the players (of who I may or may not have tried to help her get a picture or 3 of - Yeah, I was *THAT* old lady last night).

Anyway, the game ended, and we headed out to the van - and that my friends, was where we were quickly reminded of what we were facing going home. I didn't even have to see anything - it was that sound of scraping as people were trying to break through the layer of ice on their cars that tipped me off to how bad it was. After struggling to even get the damn doors open (my entire vehicle was covered with a layer of ice), we got it started and cleaned the windows all off - and we headed home - like a turtle. The money sucks children and man in the van were hungry. Although we drove right past a Wendy's restaurant - you know, the logical, easy option, they weren't OK with that - they wanted McDeath. That meant that I got on that damn highway for a bit, and then had to exit again to get their beloved McNuggets and hamburgers with extra pickles. Instead of back-tracking to the major highway (which was NOT good when we had driven down), I opted to continue up a secondary highway. Yeah, WRONG choice. While I did in fact make it home in one piece, it was VERY slow-going, and very white-knuckled. I skidded, fishtailed and slid my entire way home. Fun times!

One would think that after that whole experience, we'd be happy to hunker down and enjoy this last day of the Christmas holidays, right? Wrong. I am getting ready to take my darling teen back to school - even though pretty much the entire route we take is still under various weather warnings. I can hardly wait for that trip...

BUT...living where we do, adverse winter weather isn't anything new to us. We are used to these driving conditions, and we take it all in stride. However, since I'm leaving my local snow-belt area, it's the other drivers I worry about - you know, those folks who panic when there are some flurries in the air...wish me luck! Although I need to get out of the house and clean the van off first - and that could prove to be a task all in itself...I love winter. NOT.