Letter to Tourists

Dear Tourists:

While I appreciate you coming to experience my little corner of the world (and I truly do appreciate it - and even encourage visiting as it IS a beautiful area), I ask that you take a moment to consider the fact that there ARE other people around that DO have agenda's for the day. We are not at all interested in what you have to chirp into your fancy-pants blue tooth phone (or to hear your rants about the fact that you lost your call because of the poor reception here), or the fact that the grocery store does not carry your exotic food choices. Oh - and we have specific stores for the beer and alcohol - we aren't always just 'sold out'. REALLY?! You think we drink THAT much?! The lines on the parking lot are painted in those straight lines so you can park BETWEEN them . . . not sideways taking up TWO spots. The fire zones and wheelchair parking at the front of the store? Just a little FYI - you are NOT excluded from the laws connected to that . . . and trying to use the story that you HAD to run in fast to grab lemons is NOT a valid excuse.

I too agree that the various murals painted around the area are indeed wonderful - even photo worthy, but please pull off the road before you just stop in the middle of traffic and get out to take pictures or to admire them. Even better, park your car and walk. Also, when driving on our roadways, while it's quite likely that we've already recognized your citiotic tendencies and we've mostly adapted our driving to stay away from you, please bear in mind that making a U-turn or coming to a screeching halt and then BACKING up because you've passed your destination is NOT a smart move. Oh - and those black and white cars with the red and blue and white light bars on top?! They're police. And when they're right behind you with their lights flashing and making noises - they are asking YOU to pull over. When the ambulance or other emergency vehicles come up your tail with their sirens and lights going - you too are expected to pull over. I assure you, it's NOT a personal escort through town.

The beaches here ARE fantastic, but please keep on the PUBLIC beaches. If you don't want that psycho dude with the fence to come out and pop you in the face, then maybe you should stay off his private property. While I DO agree he's got 'issues', you can't argue the fact that he's paying HUGE bucks for that waterfront property and is entitled to not have to clean up your garbage and look at you and listen to you all day long. Also . . . just because you are in an area where you likely don't know anyone, it doesn't grant instant permission to throw all sensibility and self-respect out the window and entitle you to wear a speedo or a bikini on a body that most certainly shouldn't be sporting that sort of swimwear. Please consider the mental well-being of the locals in that respect - or at least give us some bleach so we can clean our eyes afterwards.

Last but not least . . . our restaurants and line ups are a first come, first served basis. Just because you're from out of town doesn't mean that you get to jump to the front of the line, and if you're in the little greek establishment - don't freak out when they don't have hamburgers and fries on the menu.

Thanks so much and enjoy your stay.

Yours truly,
Me

P.S.: Yes . . . it is true, the igloos and snow have melted for the year and the sled dogs have been put away for the summer months. Please don't ask to see them.