Telemarketers and Door-to-door folks

I think I'm the luckiest person on the face of the earth! I just got off the phone, and for the millionth time in the past 8 years, I've won an all-inclusive cruise!! It's like I have a lucky horseshoe up my ass!! I mean, come on, how crazy is it that I've received this call - sometimes several times a week - who needs lottery tickets with luck like this?! And all I have to do is press 1, give them my credit card number and all the rest of my personal information so they can steal my identity and screw me over royally.

Seriously - what kind of loser do they take me for?! Do these people not have anything better to do with their time? Moreover, are there really people that DO fall for this bullshit?! This type of asshattery really pisses me off. It's people like this that mess it up for those who truly are working the phone lines and door to door thing for legitmate reasons.

Telemarketers/Door-to-door salespeople.

I've got a love-hate relationship with them. I hate that they call (at the most inoportune times!) and interrupt me, but I love 'playing' with them. In the not-so-distant past, I'd get upset and frustrated with them constantly bothering me. As someone who has been "home" for the better part of the past 8 years, I can assure you, there are A LOT of calls (phone and door) that come through on a weekly basis. I get that it's mostly people working a dead-end job trying to earn an honest living - although the calls we tend to get are sketchy at best. And the reality is, there ARE honest jobs out there that probably bring in the same piddly amount of money, but with less abuse - you know, the ones that ask "Would you like fries with that burger?".

The day that they offered the Do Not Call (DNC) list, I signed right on up, and admittedly, a great deal of the calls tapered off. BUT, there are still the scammers, the charities, the political folk, the religious zealots and the newspaper people - and anyone else exempt from "THE" list. I have call display, so admittedly, I'm a screener. I figure that if they want me bad enough, they'll leave a message. Typically, they don't, and sometimes, it ends at one call, but if they call back several times over a few days, then to me, it's game on.

And good lord, do I play. Believe me when I say that I don't like to lose, so I'm playing to win. Of course, it's all dependant on how much time I've got, and my mood. My favourite approach is to listen to their entire script of bullshit (listen to it someday - it's REALLY long and full of, well, bullshit), and then when they get to the end, I'll say "Pardon? Can you repeat that please?". They usually ask what the last thing was that I heard, to which I reply that it was "hello". Sometimes they hang up. Sometimes they start their speil all over again (and sadly, I can go through this 3 or 4 times before they realize that I'm playing with them. Other times, I'll pick it up and say "I'm very interested in what you're promoting here, but can you hold on for a second please?". Then I put the phone down and walk away, going about my business. Or I let the kids answer it. Or when they say hello, I go on pretending that *I* am trying to sell them something. For those bible thumpers at the door... well, honestly, I just avoid them. They just flat out offend me. I've recently put a sign on my door that pretty much covers anything anyone could possibly be knocking about. The reality is, I will NOT open my door to strangers; I will NOT ever buy or support anything from a door to door salesman (in today's society, there is simply no knowing who is legitimate or not).

Just the other day, I noticed a somewhat 'local' number calling several times a day. I finally picked it up and it was some guy talking about duct cleaning. I politely didn't interrupt him as he dove headfirst into his script about the importance of duct cleaning, etc., and that they were offering a great deal. At the end, he asked me if I was interested. I said in what I hoped was the most convincing "dumb girl" tone I could muster up "But sir, I raise geese, not ducks. Will you clean my geese instead?". He went on again about ducts - to which I reminded him that I had geese - not ducks, and that I really felt that my 'fowl' were actually quite capable of cleaning themselves. He was clearly getting confused, but he persevered and explained that he meant ducts - the pipes connected to the furnace and air conditioner. To which I stated (in a firm and concerned voice) that "It must surely be considered animal cruelty to put ducks in your furnace pipes". Then I repeated his name, his company name and recited his phone number - and suggested that I was going to report him for animal cruelty. Exasperated, and almost sounding scared, this guy stumbled over himself as he desperately explained that he does not deal with live animals - that he simply is trying to recruit business for furnace pipe cleaning. To which I said "Furnace pipes? Like heating pipes throughout the house?". He clearly was pleased that the dingbat on the other end of the line was finally understanding. Then I delivered the zinger . . . "Oh, I have baseboard heating. So, does this mean that you're not going to come and clean my geese?!". He was pretty pissed at the end of it - in fact he may have dropped the f-bomb at me. I, on the other hand, was feeling pretty smug about it; I totally wasted about 45mins of this guys time.

What I don't get, is why - in light of the vast amount of scammers and criminals - that legitimate companies feel that telemarketing and door to door sales are a good idea. I can assure you that if someone comes to my door or cold-calls me - I won't even give them the time of day. If I need something done or want to buy something, I make that decision all on my own and I go ahead and research companies. As luck would have it, in today's world of easy access to the internet - hell, we can take a step into the archaic dinosaur days and (gasp!) pull out the phonebook and look up business phone numbers if we need them - you know - like for new water heaters, or roofers, or driveway pavers, or window installers, or landscapers - or churches - because for real, do you really think that someone coming to the door and interrupting me from my daily activities and throwing their beliefs at me is going to give me a profound "a-ha" moment and make me decide to give up my religious (or not) convictions and convert?! Really?! They think that's going to happen? Because I can tell you that mostly (or all-y), it pisses me off. They're trespassing on my property and are invading MY space to force their beliefs on me. Yeah, I don't think so. Honestly, I view these door-to-door religious folks as human sacrifices. Their church demands that they do this - that they subject themselves to abuse (and religion is ONE topic that people don't want to discuss. Period). Why?! Why do they set their people up for this? My theory? Because they're that warped - and are sacrificing humans.

Anyway...going back to the fact that I've won yet another trip (yawn! - another week, another trip won - it's definitely getting old), I didn't press 1. I let that opporunity slide through my fingers.

And tonight - I plot my next 'plan' for when the next unsuspecting telemarketer calls.

I just wish they'd all piss off. I think I'm quite capable of making decisions on my own regarding my household, how to spend my money, and that I'm quite set and happy in my religious and political beliefs.